"Life is tough, my darling, but so are you - Stephanie Bennett-Henry"
Climb a peak Pen-y-ghent 27/08/2016 & Pretty Muddy 5km Phasels Wood 03/09/2016
As I have alluded to in previous blogs on January the 1st I was unhappy, really truly utterly unhappy. Whilst I'd "bounced back" from the ultimate betrayal of finding my husband had been having an affair and we were "committed" to giving our marriage the attention it had long been desiring, we were not in a good place, bitterness and anger had replaced every good feeling, suspicion and worry had become daily habits and I knew I needed to focus on being a better version of myself in 2016. I decided then to give myself a list of challenges to focus my energy, give my year some purpose so that if the worst should happen (which it inevitably did) I wouldn't feel like a failure at the end of the year.
I gave myself mental challenges, physical challenges and ones that I hoped would better myself. I dreamed of being the best version of Lini I could be. I dreamed that one day I wouldn't wake up feeling anxious, that one day I would wake up feeling warm, happy and loved because I had made it so.
Over the last week I have completed two more of my 12 challenges.
On Saturday 27th August, at 7.30am in the morning (wink wink Becky) Lyndsey picked me up and after a last minute dash for water bottles as I'd left mine in Hemel we were soon on our way to the beautiful countryside which houses the 3 Yorkshire peaks! Our target the summit of Pen-y-Ghent. I was worried, I can walk on flat and minor hills for miles, but a constant climb for hours had me questioning my sanity in thinking I was ready for it. The sun was shining, Ginge had applied her suncream and packed her Day-Glo hat, rucksacks were packed and off we went. Ginge decided we were going up the hard way as it was prettier and more of a challenge... And whilst some of you probably think Pen-y-Ghent is nothing compared to the likes of Ben Nevis or Scafell Pike, I would remind you that I'm neither light nor fit, so a long flight of stairs sometimes beats me!!
We climbed for what felt like ever... Being passed by spritely children and people doing the 3 peaks in one day! It was slow, it was red face and sweat inducing, but it was glorious. The views were stunning, the wind rushed in my ears drowning out my heavy breathing. I wasn't particularly fast, but I wasn't as slow as I think we'd both imagined I would be! There was of course the hundreds of stops for selfie taking, and inevitable irritation of me faffing with my hair! Then we got to the scrambling part. Now I would describe my walking style on hills and rocks as somewhat like newly born Bambi on Ice.... I am not sure of foot, much to Ginges amusement. I kept my head down and didn't look at how far I had to go, I just looked at the next step and inch by inch, i made it... One small step for Ginge, one giant leap for Lini-kind! I felt euphoric! And then the weirdest thing happened, Ginge hugged me! Now those of you who know her know that to get a hug that she initiates is rarer than a selfie of me from the right hand side... But she's been by my side in my darkest hours for years, she knew what this meant to me. And there we were, trig point in sight. Much selfie taking ensued, a kind lady took some photos of the pair of us, a a spot of lunch and it was time to descend. Only we could get caught in a sheep jam on the way back down (see the video evidence!)
I was so happy with what I'd achieved there was time for a quick nap, a shower, change of clothes and some well earned cocktails! Paula can always be relied on to help me celebrate my successes in her own way and I love her for it! Especially when she hands me £20 sponsorship for the next challenge... The Pretty muddy 5km...
When the morning of my 5km came on 3rd September I was in bits, nervous and full of doubt. I felt that I hadn't done enough training, I wasn't prepared, I felt like I was going to fall flat on my face and embarrass myself. I couldn't find my number that Race for Life had sent, was it an omen etc. Then "the boy" arrived and reminded me that a mere 7 days ago I had climbed a mountain, he soothed my anxiety and reminded me that I am determined and that one of the things he likes about me is that I do what I say I'll do, he reminded me that people had sponsored me because they believe in me... After that kind of pep talk how could I do anything other than "man up" and get on my way!
I found the tent for the admin vortexes like myself and got a replacement number, I wrote out my "I race for..." for my much loved and missed Gran Norma who was taken from us all too soon. The boy held my shaky hand until it was time to go off with Stacey and join in the warm up which was hilarious, and I guess in January I would have been spent after just that! Then we made our way to the start line and we were off! Stacey set the pace, I wanted to finish in under an hour, and that was going to be tough for me, I'd said she could go ahead, I'd do it at my own pace, she reminded me that I could do it every time that I said I couldn't. I could hear the "come the fuck on Lini" in her voice on occasion, and I know her time would have been infinitely faster than mine if she hadn't had me to drag along but she stayed with me, she let me walk up the hills as long as I ran down them, she encouraged me over the obstacles, and even on one of them she came back to pull me over when I misjudged how little my legs were! The last obstacle was in sight, we had a minute and half to get over it and to the finish line to do it in under 50 minutes. My legs felt like lead weights, I had mud in my shoes, my entire body felt like I'd just been beaten up, but I ran, I climbed and I slid down the slide into the mud pool at the bottom (where I inadvertently kicked some poor woman) to find Stacey had waited to cross the finish line with me! We were just over 50 minutes, but we did it... I felt this tidal wave of emotion, a mixture of pride, achievement, disbelief, love and warmth to Stacey and a massive amount of mud in my pants! Then there was the boy, a look of pride and warmth on his face. He even kissed the muddy sweaty mess I was and said it didn't matter that I'd got mud on him... that's when you know you've found someone special.
So just one week and two more physical challenges are now complete.. Two challenges I had been full of fear and doubts about, yet with the help and encouragement of people who I love, I did them... I am proud of myself, of the Lini I had forgotten about, the Lini who takes the hands of support offered to her and doesn't bottle everything up inside. The Lini who's light is shining again... #thisgirlcan #thisgirlwill #thisgirldid
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